Nov 292012
 

In my last blog post I alluded to some big personal things going on in my life. I’ve had some time to think on it, and I think I’m ready to share what’s going on with the world (don’t worry, cleared it through all other parties too) – gotta uphold my transparency policy. I firmly believe people should share their Y axis in business, and I guess this is me sharing my personal Y axis. It’s one part personal therapy, but I hope there’s another part that is informative or at least helpful to someone else out there.

Around a week ago, my partner and I split up. We had been together for some years, and as one would expect, it’s tough – though amicable. There’s no throwing of plates or angry words. Things are in surprisingly high spirits. We are still in the same house, with our roommate. I have just moved my bed to be down next to my computer desk, in my office in the basement. Not much has changed, though I have consumed more alcohol than average in the last week.

Beyond standard break-up stuff, though, I’m being pushed to a new space in my life – one where the future is unclear. There are a lot of questions I’m asking myself. Things I’m not sure of. Questions about where I want to live, what I want to do with my life, where my career is headed. What kinds of safety nets do I have. How much money is available. When am I going to do all that travelling I dreamed of? Questions about what I want in future relationships, if I want another one at all. Even basic questions about myself, my sexuality, my emotional needs. It seems like everything is up in the air right now, and none of those questions can be answered unless I first answer all the other questions surrounding it.

It feels impossible. It feels overwhelming, and like a terrible burden. I’m complete bollocks at making up my mind about things in the first place, and when confronted with a tough choice I usually go with the dangerous impulse decision.

And that’s why I’m running away.

It sounds dramatic, but it’s not so much; I’ve been planning on heading to Mexico with the Northways in January anyway, and then there’s PAX East, then GDC, then PAX Australia. I was planning on being home in between of all those trips, but now there doesn’t seem to be much of a reason to. I’m paying for travel anyway – might as well spend a good long time there, right?

I am probably going to end up spending 6 months of 2013 away from “home,” such as it is. I’ll get some travel out of the way, get some business out of the way, and hopefully figure out the answers to some of my questions along the way.

It’ll be fun. I’ll have my friends, but it’ll be emotionally lonely. I know I can manage it, and right now I feel like I have to do it – because the alternative is sitting here, moping, and feeling sorry for myself.

Anyone out there live in New Zealand? I’ve always wanted to go, but have no idea where to start. Since I’ll be down there anyway…

  18 Responses to “Time to Decide”

Comments (16) Pingbacks (2)
  1. Well, if nothing else, all of this is a great opportunity for change as you’ve already alluded to. Sounds like a great opportunity to get a chunk of travel done. I’m envious of that for sure as I also want to travel but there never seems to be enough time or money (or both).

    So make the most of it while you can. I’ll be interested in hearing where your career and other aspirations are heading in the future. And as always, if you ever want to grab a beer and chat about possibilities or just shoot the shit, shoot me a msg :)

    • Of course, I have all these travel plans, but no money or time to accomplish them. Really crossing my fingers over Monster Loves You!

      And my career aspirations are solid – it’s just what career should I actually HAVE. MLY’s launch can only answer that question. We’ll see!

  2. If you’re going to be on this side of the planet, consider Japan.
    I know the Northways have already been here, but you could always hop up here on your own.

    • Considering all sorts of places right now, it’s all dependant on the moneys I get in the near future.

      • Most figures you’ll see are for Tokyo, and they’re UP there. Then again, that’s where all the action is, as far as most foreigners are concerned. I like Nagoya tho, it’s right in the middle and is decently affordable.
        Here’s hoping MLY pays off!

        • Right now the big thing for me is FLIGHT prices; once I get somewhere I can probably find a way to live pretty cheap! The number of destinations is limited…

  3. Not NZ, but if you get up to Brisbane at all I could probably give a few travel tips.

    Safe travels.

  4. Good luck and have a lot of fun! You are awesome!

  5. Maybes now would be a good time to move to Vancouver? :)

    • Ugh, Vancouver?! who would want to live there??? ;)

      I do love the West Coast of Canada and Victoria is pretty nice. Vancouver is just a bit too big for me – I like not owning a car AND not taking public transit and that being a-ok and not a huge time burden.

      I DO enjoy Cape Breton as well, and Belize, and I haven’t really been anywhere else I’d like to live. There’s a whole planet to check out!

  6. One foot in front of the other Andy :) Enjoy!

  7. A steambird migrating south for the winter … I like it. A change of pace and place can be good for one’s soul. Good luck, and enjoy your walkabout!

  8. I hope everything works out for you!
    Look forward to meeting you at PAX East!

    May be starting my own game design podcast soon, inspired by your meta-episode on podcasts.

  9. Hello,

    Consider Kosovo too on Europe cheap to live and cheap to travel also you will have fun!

    I also am here can meet you and give u tips about traveling inside my country.

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